im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
