He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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