Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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