just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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