Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
