Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
