my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
