Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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