A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize