I wish I could punch you in the face.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A+ Viking dick
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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