Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
