upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's never too late to be topless.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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