There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
