Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize