The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
