xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
