Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude i'm inner monologue high
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
