I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
