I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize