Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
