so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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