i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize