Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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