i barfeds in our rink
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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