I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
