Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
