UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
