Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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