No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize