nut hugger
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
