She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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