he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
