I'm drive I can fine osifer
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
