if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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