i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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