To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
