dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We need to get me chipped asap
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