Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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