This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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