i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
