OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
