Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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