some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
