That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
