Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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