my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
