that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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