Nicole vs. Life
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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