but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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