It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We left the knife in your bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
