I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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