I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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