I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
