all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
