I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
