WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
