What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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