Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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