Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize