talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
