I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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