Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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