I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
