to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
