i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
