Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Mom said you looked used
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
