So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
