her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
