I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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