I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
