if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
