Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
