So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
