you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize