I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
