Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
