chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
