that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
