I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
