Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
