He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
