well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
