so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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