Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
