when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
