Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
