I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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