one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
