clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
