Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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