Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
