You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Farmville is her only friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
