bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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