I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
