OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
