oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
