Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
