booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
