I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
