Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
