Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
