i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
