I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
