Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize