This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
