my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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