East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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