you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
