oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
