Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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