i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
