Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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