If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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