you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize