There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
