my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
