I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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