I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
