Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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